Getting Ready

Surgery more than four months away-what could I learn, experience, do that would divert me from worrying about it?


Step 1- I found myself on a search for God and the meaning of life. I talked with the Monsignor of the local Catholic Church (I was raised a Catholic and given the last sacraments of the Church when I was ill at age 8); I spent half an hour with Father Tom Reilly, Monsignor of St. Anne's Catholic Church in Roswell, GA. I told him I was ready to go if it was time. Father Tom said, "I think God has a larger plan for you-let's pray for that." Nancy and I spent a lot of time talking about God. She was working hard to get me spiritually ready for surgery.

Step 2- I talked with friends in their mid 80's who are strict Baptists. He left me to ponder three things he would take into surgery-faith, hope, and a positive attitude. Faith and hope were harder for me, but positive attitude-no problem!

Step 3- I read, watched, and listened to a collection of CD's, DVD's, and books that broadened my knowledge of Eastern meditation, thought, and religion. I began to meditate on a daily basis. I found much information that made me more at peace with myself and the world than I had ever been.

Step 4- I exercised as much as my back and limited energy would allow. I did gain 6 pounds, so I wasn't as successful as I had hoped. If you have back problems, you need a quality pillow. I found one at the Tempur-pedic store and take it everywhere with me. I even used it at the hospital.

Step 5- I was taking medication 7 times a day, at least 18 pills. Nancy bought 7 weekly pill containers and with a permanent marker, changed them to daily containers. I was also having trouble taking them at the correct times- 11PM, 5AM, 8AM, 11AM, 2PM, 5PM, 8PM. We found an e-pill timer on the internet and purchased it for $79.99 (www.epill.com). It beeped at the appropriate times, and voila, I was accurate and timely.

Step 6-I have the habit of wandering off frequently in stores, malls, and amusement parks. It all came to a head when we took our recently turned 5 year old grandson to Disneyworld. I misunderstood where we were to meet following the autograph seeking line for Lila and Stitch. I ended up in one part of the park and Nancy and Hayes were in another part of the park. I finally found someone who loaned me her cell phone to call Nancy. This was after 1 1/2 hours of being separated. Our grandson turned to Nancy during that time and said, "Nanny, of we had brought our walkie talkies, we could find Doc." Upon returning home, I got a cell phone, too. That saves Nancy untold frustration in malls and stores when I disappear.

I continued to grow. I was trying to leave no stone unturned. I remembered an audiotape of a speech by the late Leo Buscaglia in which he describes an old man with no teeth and dirty clothes sitting along the river in St. Louis. He was the kind of guy most people would pass by without noticing, but Leo, being Leo, was bored with speech after speech at the convention he was attending, so he sat down and engaged this man in conversation. Finally, Leo asked the man for the one important thing he'd learned in his life. The man said, "The secret to life is to keep your mind full and your bladder empty." Buscaglia said it was the best advice he had received during the entire conference because..."you see, most of us doing the exact opposite; we keep our bladders full and our minds empty." (Source unknown)

I continued to avoid most things which talked about the surgery itself. 

Most information available for reading was more concerned with the technology related to the surgery and did not focus on patient feelings and concerns. I stayed away from that.

I began to think about the support group I 

wanted in Gainesville during the surgery. At that point, I knew that my three daughters and wife would be with me. I needed some male presence and asked Nancy what she thought about it. She instantly agreed and we talked about who we wanted there. Our best friends of 34 years who live in New Hampshire, one of our sons-in-law who I knew would be the "lead dog" (he's a veterinarian) if something should go wrong, and my brother, Tom and his wife all made the list. Our surrogate daughter, Brenda, who lives in Orlando, took off work and also came to be with us. After all the invitees had agreed to come, I wrote a letter to each, explaining how much I treasured having them in my life.

The letter follows:

Dearest Friends,

I'm overwhelmed by each of you who've made tentative plans to be in Gainesville, Florida, for my DBS surgery in late February. Your emotional support of me makes me humble indeed. Please know that you have a special place in my heart, and, apparently, I must hold a similar place in yours. Please know that if things change and you have a conflict preventing you from physically being in Gainesville, your thoughts of me will be equally appreciated.

I'm afraid I'm not much when it comes to expressing my feelings on paper. I'm not deeply into any organized religion, but lean toward the spiritual principles that love is the core of life...as John Lennon sang "all we need is love." I believe that each of us should not depart this earth without fulfilling some purpose, or in the words of a fellow education, Louis Raths, "to make a differenced that you have lived at all." I do know that I have come to appreciate how a serious disease can change your perspective and how perceptive and sensitive you become when you encounter so many people in need of your helping hand and heart. In a recent movie, a young man who had lost his wife lamented to a friend, played by Morgan Freeman, that there was no God. Morgan Freeman said, "Oh, you're wrong, there is a God. He/she gives us brave hearts" to work our way through the pain and suffering that humans often have to endure.

How could anyone have a better care taker, lover, friend, and role model than I have in my wife, Nancy? Can you imagine how more humane the world would be if we could clone a few billion of her in all colors, shapes, races, and cultures? The world would certainly shift away from greed and intolerance and move toward "love yourself and your neighbor." Nancy believes, and I agree, with many of the principles in the Celestine Prophecy. One principle is that there are not accidental meetings when people enter our zone of consciousness. Both we and the persons we meet have messages for each other. On many occasions, we don't open ourself up to receive those messages, but when we do, growth occurs. The search for universal meaning and how that influences our behavior is a common interest. It's important that we listen to both the people who share our "universal" spiritual view of God as well as those who believe in more "religious" orthodoxies.

I also believe in the power of scientific knowledge gained through repeated trials and errors. I am appreciative to the 30,000 or so who have undergone the surgeries I'll have. Many early surgery patients served as "guinea pigs" and took many more risks than I will have to take.

The purpose of this letter is two-fold...to let you know some of my thinking and feelings as DBS surgery approaches, and to reiterate how pleased I am to have your support.

Daughters, you know, I hope, how much I love you and need your love. Laura Jane, you helped make the surgery possible because of your incredible knowledge of Parkinson's and your determination that I should have the opportunity to feel better. Jennifer and Allison, your commitment to my care and your love for me make your support so vital. But, always remember that your life problems and your families should be your highest priorities. Thanks, girls, for the wonderful progenies that you and your husbands created. Those eight grandchildren are truly the "light of our lives". Brenda, I'm delighted that you plan to be there. I'll always remember my first night with you at a Braves game. While Jen and Allie flitted around the stadium, you were full of questions about baseball and listened carefully to my answers. You are a beautiful, smart, caring woman not unlike your two stepsisters.

Tom and Sue, I know how involved and busy you are with your children, grandchildren, and your travels. You are such a special brother and friend-thanks for always being there for me.

Hollis and Linda, thank you for opening your hearts to me as I became the husband of your "sister". The countless times you've changed your life plans to include us as your "best friends" means more than I can truly say. Hollis, I feel you are my brother and are as close as any of my wonderful siblings.

With my "love army" in tow, I believe I'll be successful in the surgery and that more will be expected of me regarding reaching out to others. If something should happen, know that I have had a great life and that I expect each of you to love one another.

With many thanks,

Alan

To Whom It May Concern:

This is the second philosophy of life sort of paper I've written. The first was in 9th grade English. HA!!